Tag Archives: journaling

2014 Winter Juice Feast. Day 36. Juicing Without Fruit.

There is so much I want to say about the last 24 hours but it’s so late, I’ll try and get to most of it. Last night I cried myself to sleep…for no apparent reason. I didn’t feel sad, or overjoyed, I just felt like crying. Every time I tried to figure out why I was crying it brought on a new wave of tears. It felt like I was crying for every time that I’ve wanted to cry and wasn’t able to. I have no answer as to where it was coming from but I’ve always felt like tears were very cleansing and I feel strangely grateful.

Today I tried to do a day without fruit juice. When I did short fasts in the past few years (3-10 days) I always did them on vegetable juice alone. I never had any momentous experiences or felt any different during or after the fasts. This was also during the few years when I’d cut sugar almost completely from my diet. I never realized how terribly restrictive that felt until I introduced fruit back into my life. I love fruit. I thrive on fruit. I love living on mostly fruit! I don’t know if this would have been the case if I hadn’t gone through several years of intense yeast/candida type cleansing but once I brought it back into my life there was no going back. After the last juice feast I made an effort to go on an extremely low sugar lifestyle and it brought me back to the tight, restrictive, diet-y, emotional place that I thought I’d left behind. It really threw me off and I had such a hard time getting back to a place of feeling really good and balanced again. That being said, I attempted a day of all veggie juices (just to see what the experience would be like) last month and as soon as I woke up that day all of those awful feelings came rushing back and I couldn’t do it. Today I made it ’til evening and after nearly gagging on my last juice, gave in and juiced some tangelos. Fruit makes me feel alive. Am I addicted to it? I don’t think so. That feels like saying I’m addicted to air or water or life. I feel so light and free on fruit sugar. I know that’s not everyones experience but it is currently mine.

On the positive side of the veggie spectrum, I got a sprouting tray today! I’m thrilled to begin sprouting and juicing my own wheatgrass!

Wheatgrass Sprouter

It was a rough day. Emotional. Crave-y. Cooking and being around food was challenging. I realized that sometimes I try too hard. I have such a to-do list in my brain of things that I think are really important to get done in a day (journal, yoga, meditate, get some sunshine, hot/cold shower, body brush, colon cleanse, read great books, oh yeah and go to work, make sure my juices are made, and sleep 8-9 hours) and sometimes I find myself doing this things just for the sake of doing them when what I really need is to tune into my body and figure out what it wants. Today it wanted to lie in bed and read. I did as much of that as I could and tried to let go of the mind chatter telling me I wasn’t being “productive enough”.

Britney and I went out to dinner at the only place we can enjoy together. I got  carrot juice and some tea and she enjoyed a smorgasbord of vegan goodness:

Chaco Canyon

The recipe of the day really hits the spot for savory cravings. Salty, creamy, and spicy, even if I won’t give up fruit sugar I’ll definitely be doing this one again!

Spiced Cream of Celery Juice

Spiced Cream of Celery Juice

1 bunch celery

4 zucchini

1 lemon, peeled

1 jalapeño, with or without seeds

4 green onions

4 drops DoTERRA cilantro essential oil (optional)

Juice.

Today’s Juice Feast: 34 oz Spicy Cream of Celery Juice, 3 oz wheatgrass, 32 oz Carrot Comfort Juice (recipe to come), 36 oz The Real V8 Juice, 32 oz jicama/dill/lime/jalapeño, 16 oz carrot juice with cinnamon, 16 oz tangelo juice with cayenne, 32 oz tangelo juice blended with dates and strained.

Fasting

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Red Velvet Juice and Rose Cleanse Complete

The cleanse is officially over! I plan on doing a re-cap in the next few days but I have something a little bit different today that I’m only comfortable sharing because I feel like the moment I’ll be describing below was a little “turning point” for me. I’ve had a lot of turning points in my life, this one just happened to be journaled.

This post is quite a vulnerable one and I really debated whether or not I should post it. But alas, here we are. Over the holidays I had a great time making beautiful veggie-centric dishes for myself and whoever I was cooking for. It was, overall, the best holiday season I’ve had yet but I didn’t make it through without a handful of tumultuous days and anxiety-fueled, food “extravaganzas”. I was finding it extremely frustrating that after all of the physical cleansing and emotional work I’d done I would still find myself in a painful situation because of my poor or very excessive food choices. I journaled this late one night, not able to sleep because I’d eaten poorly and heavily while stressed out before bed. Natalia Rose often quotes spiritual teacher Almine saying “Pain is a call for change.” and this is what was running through my head when I sat down to write.

…Please forgive me if it seems a bit dramatic, I’m not always such a drama queen but it’s what I was feeling in the moment.

“”Pain is a call for change.”? Well its time for a change. This emotional eating shit is getting in the way of my life and I will have it no more. I get in these frantic states where I’m bored or stressed and I feel like I might be “missing out” on anything delicious that might be available in my world at that moment…It’s not true. The supposed “deliciousness” of whatever edible thing is in my face at the moment is getting in the way of my living. It’s getting in the way of my creativity and my energy. I will have no more of it. I want vibrancy and lightness, not scrambled eggs at 10 p.m. I want real energy stemming from a clear body and mind, not a large americano at noon. I want real excitement, not stimulation. If I so happen to wake up at 4 a.m. (ahem…) I want to be filled with gratitude for my warm cozy bed, a few more hours of sleep, the fresh air blowing in from my window, and the rain outside…not filled with midnights macaroons…even if they were for “ebook testing purposes” (amazingly, they don’t digest any better, even with the “best intentions”)…I don’t want to feel angry with myself anymore, to feel like I can’t trust myself. There was a time when this was about weight. I’ve pretty much got that under control these days. I’ve carefully practiced loving myself no matter what I look like and while I’m not always perfect at it, it’s a habit I’ve pretty well got down. Not to mention I take care of myself to a degree most of the time now that my weight stays in a pretty happy range. This is beyond that. This is about not wanting to use food as a crutch to get through a difficult workday (I’m reading the book “Positive Energy” and “emotional empath” describes me to a “T” making airplane work incredibly overstimulating) or a tool to get through a boring evening. Come on, I’m more creative than that!! I can be bigger than this. I love food. I. love. food. Like, a lot. I write a freaking food blog!! But at the moment…the way I’m using it…it’s blocking me from living as myself completely. Not all food of course, just food at inappropriate times, when it’s being used for something other that nourishment and is hardly even pleasurable because I’m not even hungry, just avoiding something. It’s all too often used as a drug, masking whatever awesome self is under that layer of fullness. No more nonsense. I am strong enough for this now. I’ve been in this place before and I know how to get out. I trust that I can learn not to hurt myself physically or emotionally this way anymore.

…I remember writing this and feeling a lot of peace. I’ve felt it all the way through the Rose Cleanse and, despite ups and downs emotionally I have been able to use the tools that I’ve learned over the last year or so to use food in a way that serves me (and I manage to enjoy it immensely ;) ) instead of leaving me feeling defeated or obsessive in any way. It’s felt very balanced and I’ve felt very confident that this is the right thing for me right now.

Now that the month is officially over, I’d love to hear your experiences! Did you have any turning points or moments worth sharing?

Below is a delectable crimson treat that is almost entirely veggie based. It was the one day on the cleanse when I had a little cacao in one of my juices and for this one, it was totally worth it :)


1 lb carrots
1 bunch spinach
1 large or 2 small beets
1/4 cup water or homemade nut milk
1 tbsp cocoa
1 tbsp carob
vanilla stevia to taste

Juice spinach, carrots and beets. Pour into a blender with remaining ingredients and blend until frothy. Sweeten to taste.

On a final note, if you haven’t already, you have to watch a video entitled “Stuff a Rose Cleanser Says” by Lola York. I’m pretty sure I’ve said every one of these things at some point!

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A Brief, Not-So-Off-Topic-as-it-May-Seem Book Review: The Artists Way

I was lying in bed this morning, unfortunately early, when it occurred to me just how different things would be if I had never picked up The Artists Way. I started it this past January and although I’d seen it in the past it took me awhile to really dive in. I didn’t realize, when I started, that it was a three month commitment, requiring daily work. Had I realized this I may never have started but by the time I did I was too far in to stop ;) I won’t give a lengthy review on all the details, you can definitely find that if you’re looking for it, I’m more interested in sharing the experiences I got to have as a result of accepting the challenges this book offered. Had I decided against accepting everything that I was reading and learning about myself, I never would have:

Taken Improv Classes (at the time, I couldn’t think of anything scarier)
Started Journaling (now a tool for sanity)
Taken a Spontaneous Trip to Hawaii (I can now say I’ve been to all 50 states!)
Gone Skydivng (during the above mentioned trip :))
Started a Tumblr blog (amazingly, this was a big deal for my extremely introverted self)
Ended and Renewed my Relationship (which is now ten times as solid and fulfilling as it had been prior to the brief but agonizing split)
Went Bungee Jumping (who knew you could learn amazing life lessons from jumping off a bridge??)
Started Singing at Open Mic Nights
(this was a long time coming)
Spent a Month Working in Florida
(ok, truthfully I was on the beach more often than the airplane)
Began The Vegetable Centric Kitchen (which continues to be a much needed outlet for creativity and happens to be the tidbit that keeps this post somewhat on-topic ;))

I had no idea what I was getting in to when I opened those first pages and maybe that was best, I’d encourage anyone to give it a try, who knows what could come of it!

This is what bedhead looks like...


On an actual food note, in case you were wondering if Banana Butter would be absolutely delicious in a big bowl of greens I have your answer. It is like dessert salad heaven.

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